Monday, March 5, 2018 • Monday, March 05, 2018 • 0 comments
Let bygones be bygones. Might sound easy, saying it is easier, but when it comes to actually doing it, admit it that we'll all be stuck at one moment, or even one memory. I realized, by now, I shouldn't be saying that I'm tired to be in a relationship. The last one; taught me so many things, I couldn't even start. It met a dead end where none of us could defend it anymore. I didn't want it to happen but it did, and who am I to say no when the reason is so obvious?
I just hate being myself now. I've changed so much. What was I thinking? I don't know when did I turn into a fake woman, who fakes face expression, laughter, even emotions. Somehow I miss crying my lungs out late at night, torturing my heart by listening to sad songs repetitively, just cry every time I feel like it anytime, anywhere I want. Those things doesn't happen anymore now. Have I gotten so much stronger, over the past years?
Due to that, the burden feels thousand times harsher than how it used to. I kept them all inside. I kept them all to myself. I don't know how to express myself anymore. I used to have this blog, my diary, a companion, where I could pour everything out. I still have this blog and my diary, but I lost the ability to express. Just like what I've said. A companion? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I still have trust issue.
It hurts because I can't show my true feelings. I smiled happily, I laugh cheerfully, even when my heart feels like burning. Why, self? Why do you do this to yourself? What have you accumulated inside you, that has turn you, the expressing you, to this egoistic monster who keep your heart at a darker place, day by day? Why can't you be normal?
I was so sure, that it was you. That you're the one who will be beside me, one fine day. Again, my instinct are wrong. Again, my heart got torn apart. Again, I was fooled by myself. Again, you've proved that you are still unfit to be in a serious relationship. Dear self, what is wrong with you?
Thanks to this post. I manage to cry while typing. The second time, and I need more. I need to let all these burdens off me.
Monday, March 5, 2018 • Monday, March 05, 2018 • 0 comments
Let bygones be bygones. Might sound easy, saying it is easier, but when it comes to actually doing it, admit it that we'll all be stuck at one moment, or even one memory. I realized, by now, I shouldn't be saying that I'm tired to be in a relationship. The last one; taught me so many things, I couldn't even start. It met a dead end where none of us could defend it anymore. I didn't want it to happen but it did, and who am I to say no when the reason is so obvious?
I just hate being myself now. I've changed so much. What was I thinking? I don't know when did I turn into a fake woman, who fakes face expression, laughter, even emotions. Somehow I miss crying my lungs out late at night, torturing my heart by listening to sad songs repetitively, just cry every time I feel like it anytime, anywhere I want. Those things doesn't happen anymore now. Have I gotten so much stronger, over the past years?
Due to that, the burden feels thousand times harsher than how it used to. I kept them all inside. I kept them all to myself. I don't know how to express myself anymore. I used to have this blog, my diary, a companion, where I could pour everything out. I still have this blog and my diary, but I lost the ability to express. Just like what I've said. A companion? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I still have trust issue.
It hurts because I can't show my true feelings. I smiled happily, I laugh cheerfully, even when my heart feels like burning. Why, self? Why do you do this to yourself? What have you accumulated inside you, that has turn you, the expressing you, to this egoistic monster who keep your heart at a darker place, day by day? Why can't you be normal?
I was so sure, that it was you. That you're the one who will be beside me, one fine day. Again, my instinct are wrong. Again, my heart got torn apart. Again, I was fooled by myself. Again, you've proved that you are still unfit to be in a serious relationship. Dear self, what is wrong with you?
Thanks to this post. I manage to cry while typing. The second time, and I need more. I need to let all these burdens off me.
xoxo, The Shining Star
Past, present, future.
Monday, March 5, 2018 | Monday, March 05, 2018 | 0 comments
Let bygones be bygones. Might sound easy, saying it is easier, but when it comes to actually doing it, admit it that we'll all be stuck at one moment, or even one memory. I realized, by now, I shouldn't be saying that I'm tired to be in a relationship. The last one; taught me so many things, I couldn't even start. It met a dead end where none of us could defend it anymore. I didn't want it to happen but it did, and who am I to say no when the reason is so obvious?
I just hate being myself now. I've changed so much. What was I thinking? I don't know when did I turn into a fake woman, who fakes face expression, laughter, even emotions. Somehow I miss crying my lungs out late at night, torturing my heart by listening to sad songs repetitively, just cry every time I feel like it anytime, anywhere I want. Those things doesn't happen anymore now. Have I gotten so much stronger, over the past years?
Due to that, the burden feels thousand times harsher than how it used to. I kept them all inside. I kept them all to myself. I don't know how to express myself anymore. I used to have this blog, my diary, a companion, where I could pour everything out. I still have this blog and my diary, but I lost the ability to express. Just like what I've said. A companion? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I still have trust issue.
It hurts because I can't show my true feelings. I smiled happily, I laugh cheerfully, even when my heart feels like burning. Why, self? Why do you do this to yourself? What have you accumulated inside you, that has turn you, the expressing you, to this egoistic monster who keep your heart at a darker place, day by day? Why can't you be normal?
I was so sure, that it was you. That you're the one who will be beside me, one fine day. Again, my instinct are wrong. Again, my heart got torn apart. Again, I was fooled by myself. Again, you've proved that you are still unfit to be in a serious relationship. Dear self, what is wrong with you?
Thanks to this post. I manage to cry while typing. The second time, and I need more. I need to let all these burdens off me.
