I dont really smile like this anymore. This was taken on April 2013, I think? Look at how happy I was. Nowadays, my smiles, sometimes, they are forced to happen. It doesn't occur naturally anymore.

Lately, I go all moody most of the times. Just two days ago, Eyaa asked, "kau sakit ke?" i shook my head. "Kau mengantuk ke?" I shook my head once again. "Kau ada masalah?" She raised her eyebrows. All I did was smiling slightly, and said, "tak ada la. Aku okay." And she replied, "memang aku baru kenal kau semalam kan ayan." The way she looked at me, I know she wants me to spill it out. To tell her what's happening. But I remained silent. She did that too, bc she knows, I don't like being forced. My story, I guess I can only let Ziq knows the details.

Everything is hurting, really. When my friends hv probs, I listen to 'em, I give them advices, I try everything I could to make 'em feel better. All the time. They seem to tell me everything, maybe bc I'm a good listener. But maybe they don't know, behind all the smiles and little laughs of mine, there are smthg inside me slowly shattered into pieces. I'm not even kidding. Even with Ziq, I don't share my story like all the time. Bc I know if I do that, she'll get annoyed & bored. I only tell her, when I can no longer keep those stories all by myself. I need smone to share and ease the burden I've been carrying.

I'm simply tired. I can never get enough of saying how "'tired"" I am. I still let people hurt me. Someone should've warned me not to fall in love. Sadly, no one did. And I already fell in to the trap. I wish I could undo this, that, everything.

How silly, I am.
Me? A dummy.
x