Friday, August 16, 2013 • Friday, August 16, 2013 • 0 comments
I let my guard down. Guess what I get in return? Dissapointment. I hate myself for being so fragile. I wonder, do I enjoy getting hurt? I thought I was strong enough, but I still melt. I still fall. All these little things is distracting my mind. I should be focusing on studies instead of thinking ways to encounter my ridiculous feels.
I'm totally worn out. By the praises. By the way you make jokes about marriage. By the way you smile. By the way of you being you. & at the end of it, I put on hope. Then, the next day, as usual, the hope is crushed, into pieces. I dont even understand myself.
I'll not ask for you to come back. To be like before. I've just had enough. It hurts too much, so many times. I cant take it in anymore. Dont ask about me at all. Dont even care about me. I'm not worth it. Forget my existence. I gave up. I dont want to pretend anymore. I dont want to feel stupid for missing but cant do anything. I dont want you as a friend. I want you to be more than that. And I know you cant fulfill that. So, can you stop being friends with me? Dont even contact me anymore. Somehow I think thats the best way.
Not that I didn't try any other ways. I did try, but all of it failed. I tried being cold, failed. I tried to feel the same way I feel about you with another guy, failed. I tried not talking about you with ziq, failed. I tried making distance, failed.
The other day, I really want to ask about your personal life. I have so many to ask. I know exactly what I wanted to ask, but then, I know, even if you explain about these and that, I'll doubt you. & I'll make my own speculation and conclusion. So, I thought, why bother asking?
I know I said losing you would cause a greater pain. But then I realized, to pretend that I'm happy to be friends with you, to see you with another girl (maybe its not happening now, but I can see it coming), hurts more that I've ever imagine. And by you leaving, it'll help me to make my feels for you disappear, completely.
I'm sorry I still haven't moved on completely. You were one of the biggest phenomenon that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry I put you into this ridiculous condition.
You are like a very dangerous & powerful virus. I still haven't found the software that can beat you, that can erase you & all you datas.
Friday, August 16, 2013 • Friday, August 16, 2013 • 0 comments
I let my guard down. Guess what I get in return? Dissapointment. I hate myself for being so fragile. I wonder, do I enjoy getting hurt? I thought I was strong enough, but I still melt. I still fall. All these little things is distracting my mind. I should be focusing on studies instead of thinking ways to encounter my ridiculous feels.
I'm totally worn out. By the praises. By the way you make jokes about marriage. By the way you smile. By the way of you being you. & at the end of it, I put on hope. Then, the next day, as usual, the hope is crushed, into pieces. I dont even understand myself.
I'll not ask for you to come back. To be like before. I've just had enough. It hurts too much, so many times. I cant take it in anymore. Dont ask about me at all. Dont even care about me. I'm not worth it. Forget my existence. I gave up. I dont want to pretend anymore. I dont want to feel stupid for missing but cant do anything. I dont want you as a friend. I want you to be more than that. And I know you cant fulfill that. So, can you stop being friends with me? Dont even contact me anymore. Somehow I think thats the best way.
Not that I didn't try any other ways. I did try, but all of it failed. I tried being cold, failed. I tried to feel the same way I feel about you with another guy, failed. I tried not talking about you with ziq, failed. I tried making distance, failed.
The other day, I really want to ask about your personal life. I have so many to ask. I know exactly what I wanted to ask, but then, I know, even if you explain about these and that, I'll doubt you. & I'll make my own speculation and conclusion. So, I thought, why bother asking?
I know I said losing you would cause a greater pain. But then I realized, to pretend that I'm happy to be friends with you, to see you with another girl (maybe its not happening now, but I can see it coming), hurts more that I've ever imagine. And by you leaving, it'll help me to make my feels for you disappear, completely.
I'm sorry I still haven't moved on completely. You were one of the biggest phenomenon that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry I put you into this ridiculous condition.
You are like a very dangerous & powerful virus. I still haven't found the software that can beat you, that can erase you & all you datas.
Wish I'd found it.
Sigh.
xoxo, The Shining Star
Friday, August 16, 2013 | Friday, August 16, 2013 | 0 comments
I let my guard down. Guess what I get in return? Dissapointment. I hate myself for being so fragile. I wonder, do I enjoy getting hurt? I thought I was strong enough, but I still melt. I still fall. All these little things is distracting my mind. I should be focusing on studies instead of thinking ways to encounter my ridiculous feels.
I'm totally worn out. By the praises. By the way you make jokes about marriage. By the way you smile. By the way of you being you. & at the end of it, I put on hope. Then, the next day, as usual, the hope is crushed, into pieces. I dont even understand myself.
I'll not ask for you to come back. To be like before. I've just had enough. It hurts too much, so many times. I cant take it in anymore. Dont ask about me at all. Dont even care about me. I'm not worth it. Forget my existence. I gave up. I dont want to pretend anymore. I dont want to feel stupid for missing but cant do anything. I dont want you as a friend. I want you to be more than that. And I know you cant fulfill that. So, can you stop being friends with me? Dont even contact me anymore. Somehow I think thats the best way.
Not that I didn't try any other ways. I did try, but all of it failed. I tried being cold, failed. I tried to feel the same way I feel about you with another guy, failed. I tried not talking about you with ziq, failed. I tried making distance, failed.
The other day, I really want to ask about your personal life. I have so many to ask. I know exactly what I wanted to ask, but then, I know, even if you explain about these and that, I'll doubt you. & I'll make my own speculation and conclusion. So, I thought, why bother asking?
I know I said losing you would cause a greater pain. But then I realized, to pretend that I'm happy to be friends with you, to see you with another girl (maybe its not happening now, but I can see it coming), hurts more that I've ever imagine. And by you leaving, it'll help me to make my feels for you disappear, completely.
I'm sorry I still haven't moved on completely. You were one of the biggest phenomenon that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry I put you into this ridiculous condition.
You are like a very dangerous & powerful virus. I still haven't found the software that can beat you, that can erase you & all you datas.
