After almost 1 week being home, baru teringat kat diary lol. The last post I made in it was 23 October. Whut .__. Lama gila tak tulis. So I wrote about things that happened....... 2 pages long siol. Haha. And after that, I took time to read it since I never read my older post. Reminiscing the good old days :') I teared up. But didn't cry. Because only the weak cry. I'm not a weak muggles anymore.






Its like nobody understand my shit. I had just begun to accept the reality and suddenly somebody wants to create that bullshit fantacy all over again, with me. Like, "hey I know I've just met you and what I meant by 'met' is knowing you on social websites but know what, I have crush on you and I'd like to be your everything someday eventho I havent hear your voice & we only whatsapp plus text" What the fuck is that? Seriously I'm tired of all this. You know like its no point of loving someone goddamn hard but get nothing in return psh sorry to say this. I'll be reaching sixteen this month lah sia I'm not thirteen or fourteen anymore. g o d pls help me why do I have to encounter this kind of situation everytime I'm still in the state of mending my broken pieces of heart!!!!! not goin' to repeat the same mistake, ever. plus yknow its not possible for myself to love 2 diff person in the same time, if I started to love you that means you're the only one and right now, yes aman still conquers my heart, no doubt. so if you're thinking to steal his place, pls come back in 4 or 5 years, maybe I'll be able to recognize your existence a lil bit more. I always tell myself & amal & all my friends "you'll find someone better once you enter university" totally the truth. yes yes I know there're some of those 'love since school' succeed and end up with halal way, but MOST didn't. It's so heartbreaking ok

But I'm still in the forgetting process of course, I'd be pissed off sometimes, remembering how did all of these happened between us, I just feel like killing nobody aha aint funny. Its a normal thing tho, don't worry too much the right person will come. Definitely will. If he's meant to be yours, then he will be. Believe in Allah S.W.T power, He who controls. Have faith in Him, make efforts, combine with endless du'a, and it's perfect :') Oooooh look at your face hahahaha my words impress you huh? Lol I'm a weirdo lah sia, so full of myself. But there's one thing I'm wuite disappointed with myself............




Since I'm at batu pahat, and I didn't bring my diary, I'll have to make a post here.. Hm yeap I just cant stand all of these thing anymore.

You just dont know how much I miss you. Its been 5 days, for god sake. I dont know if things that happened between us is my fault or yours. I dont think its mine, and I don't think its yours. You were just pointing out your opinion. Yes.. But whatever it is, I think we can't be fix. You with your ex.. yeap. You know what I'm talkin' about.. I wish the best for both of you. I know she's way better. She makes you happy more than I do. I always know that you love her more than me. You seems so happy without my existence, that what freaks me out. The way you talk to her, as if I never existed, in your life. Not even a bit of me, azyan irsalina, affected your life, and heart. You just forget everything when you talk to her. Guess I'm just, a toy, to you.. You said she was your last that stays in your heart, while you are my last.. I really broke into pieces. Why can't my heart change quickly like yours? And I wonder why it ache so bad, that I feel like killing myself. I know, its stupid, and plus I'm a muslim, but I can't help it. Cus everytime I force myself to be happy all day long not to think about you, I failed, each time. I need a break lah, seriously. Stop haunting me.. I'm scared I might lose my mind and. You don't want to know.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I sincerely wish the best for you. I never leave out your full name in my du'a. You're always there. But I'm just mad at myself.... for not being able to forget you quickly like what you did. And pls, I'm not blaming anyone. If there is, its me who should be blame.

Not expecting him to read this. Again, I posted this here because I don't have my diary. In need of my diary, asap. Couldn't keep & bear it any longer. Hm, I'm fucked up.

Goodbye lah everyone. I'm so pathetic.


Its true that somehow, experience is the best teacher for maturity. And creepy, too. I mean, how can experience be your teacher? I used to say that it was all bullshit - and what I meant by 'it' is, saying, quotes, advices, you know such thing. But it turns out to be true. Of course, who wouldn't be terrified? But nevermind, I can do this. Oh y'all know I can :) I just need some time. Then I'll be alright again ^^ #BELIEVE. Oh now I sounds like one of beliebers lol. But tbh, I'm kinda attracted to justin now. Just look at his hair, his voice. It all changed, and it is waaaay better, like seriously. I heard he broke up with selena too? That just make me happier even more. Lol, believe me, I AM NOT A BELIEBER. Just stating my opinion. I like his songs. Yeap, and I also like his..........................................................

Okay, I'll stop.

Truth is better than lies, eventho the truth hurts.
Cheers!